Friday Funnies - Frugal: To Save

Frugal: To Save

Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something.

Her paper read:

Frugal: to save

Sentence: Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out. She yelled "Frugal me, Frugal me!"

Friday Funnies - "Making Babies"

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

Have a great Friday!

Friday Funnies ~ Housekeeping Philosophies

I don't do windows because...I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

I don't wax floors because...I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible ( plus they may sue me.)

I don't mind the dust bunnies because...They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because...I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don't Spring Clean because...I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.

I don't put things away because...My husband will never be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because...I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

I don't iron because...I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press."

I don't stress much on anything because..."A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!

Author Unknown

Check out Kim's blog for more laughs!

Friday Funnies ~ The English Language

Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What on earth does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

Friday Funnies ~ Self Serve Christmas

Admittedly this joke took me a few seconds to really get, but when I did I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I could just picture it. Hope it brings you a laugh too!

Self Serve Christmas

A kindly 90-year-old grandmother found buying presents for family and friends a bit much one Christmas, so she wrote out checks for all of them to put in their Christmas cards. In each card she wrote, "Buy your own present" and then sent them off. After the Christmas festivities were over, she found the checks in her desk! Everyone had gotten a Christmas card from her with "Buy your own present" written inside, but without the checks!

Wanna read more great jokes and funnies? Then just head on over to Homesteader's Heart for more Friday Funnies!

Friday Funnies - No Hidden Sin

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.
An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.

"How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.

The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.

"You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?"

Friday Funnies - Sunday Drive

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies-two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty- two miles an hour!" the woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Friday Funnies - Kitchen Help

A wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling.

"CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL! MORE OIL! TURN THEM! TURN THEM NOW! WE NEED MORE OIL! THEY ARE GOING TO STICK! CAREFUL! CAREFUL! TURN THEM! TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP! ARE YOU CRAZY! THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL! USE MORE SALT! THE SALT!!"

The wife was very upset, "What is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don't know how to fry an egg?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted you to know what it's like for me when I am driving the car and you're sitting next to me."

Need a laugh? Check out more Friday Funnies at Homesteader's Heart.

Friday Funnies - Acts 2:38

This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down with the things he was going to steal. She had no weapon and was all alone. The only thing that she could think to do was quote scripture. So she holds up a hand and says: "ACTS 2:38!!!"

The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes to the point that she is able to get to the phone and call 911 for the cops. When the cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in place. They are very much surprised that a woman alone with no weapon could do this. One of them asked the lady: "How did you do this?"

The woman replied, "I quoted scripture."

The cop turned to the burglar: "What was it about the scripture that had such an effect on you?"

The burglar replied: "Scripture! What scripture? I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's."